Deaf...I can relate to what you just wrote, in a very personal way. My youngest daughter is 22; her journey with mental illness started at age 12, but came to the surface, and was recognized and diagnosed at age 17, quite literally life chanaged for all of us (her mostly, of course) overnight. Five years: 15 admits to a psychiatric unit: two admits for overdose: too many ER visits to count: one med after the next...for the first couple of years, until the doctors finally found a good combo for her. Like you said for yourself, she is fine one day...for about three months, maybe four, and then one day it all changes...for two or three weeks. During the rests between the storms, I find myself in a hopeful denial...thinking...'it's done, it won't happen again,' but the sad fact is...mental illness is a life long illness...as you said, a constant struggle of the mind. I can't even imagine what it's like inside of my daughter's head...I only get a glimpse based on how her illness shows itself in behavior. It's all very heart breaking for me. I never would have imagined that life could be so cruel, and so dark. It is the promise, and the hope an end to these things that keeps me going. I am thankful that you are able to express yourself through written words...writing is a great coping skill (or so I've been told!). I pray for you.