This is wonderful testimony of the glory of God. I can relate to you. I remember when I was 18 praying, "If someone or something is up there, or out there, or somewhere, and you can end my existence, please do it". I got the same answer you did, " NO!", just not in words. Instead of death He gave me life. Hallelujah, Amen!
PS - "Hard times for an honest man" by John Cougar ( Cougar, what was he thinking, LOL !) is playing on my CD right now. In short, when I was 18 I realized it's exploit or be exploited, or if I go the honest route it's gonna be such hard times, I'll never make it, they will eat me alive. Christ saving me didn't immediately convince me I could make it, I actually had no new realizations other than His beauty, it was just His beauty that drew me. As the many years have past, 33 since then, it has indeed been hard times, more than anything I could ever handle, yet He has turned them all into blessings and I now have a sincere thank you for every trouble that comes my way.